Natural childbirth is a spontaneous adventure. A miraculous new soul will take his first breath of life and embrace harmony with the very nature that created him. Such as my experience, it has empowered me, and it healed me. Experiencing the birth of my son Jaden healed a deep emotional wound that was set upon me during the event of the birth of my first son who was born in the hospital.
Three years ago I delivered my first son at XXX Hospital. I was caught up in a culture that media portray as norm but my instincts were overwhelming me, saying this isn't suppose to be the way. I had no support or direction for any other option. I wanted a drug free childbirth experience and made that very clear to everyone including my Lamaze class. No one supported my wishes. It's incredibly irritating when your Lamaze instructor says, "No one gets a trophy for having a natural childbirth".
It's an odd and very intimidating situation to have a doctor who advocates your well being and is in and out of the office in less than 10 min; if I ever actually had 10 minutes then I was lucky. Do medical schools teach doctors to keep one hand on the doorknob while the patience has a question? It's absurd mannerism!
My due date came and went. The doctor, who was very good at scare tactics, explained that my placenta wasn't going to last forever and the need for induction was necessary. I was induced at the doc's office then went home. I felt no pain and wanted to stay home till I was uncomfortable before I head to the hospital. The nurse at the doctor's office called and said to go there anyway. I ignored her and went for a walk in the park. She calls back wondering why I'm not at the hospital yet. Pressured, my husband and I left for the hospital.
It was an unwelcoming atmosphere from the start. Not a single smile from a nurse just commands and paper work. As though, technology and paperwork were the ones giving birth and not me. I was 2 cm dilated and wanted to go home. When the nurse learned that I was induced she did not support the idea that I leave. So we checked in our room and I immediately went in the tub. It was nice; I was alone with my husband and was really enjoying myself. Not long after I immersed in the warm water a stranger, a nurse directed me out and said that it was best that I was in bed. I felt violated. Giving birth requires a lot of concentration and when it's broken the situation becomes very disturbing.
When the nurse left I got up and left the room and started walking the facility. Of course, I wasn't allowed to do that either. The nurse paged me back to my room. When I returned, the doctor and 4 other nurses were waiting for me. Fear kicked in and suddenly I felt the pain. I swear it was fear that caused my pain.
The doctor checked me and I was 4 cm dilated. The doctor decided to break my waters and "commit" me to the clock. It's only been two hours since our arrival. I had IV, and internal monitor. I had tremendous back pain and protested that I get up and walk around or try anything that I learned from Lamaze class. They disregarded my request and it was enough complaint that made them shove the epidural in my face. I didn't want it so I opt for another solution such as the suggestions mentioned in Lamaze. I was turned down and was told that it was better that I stay where I was, in bed, and on my back!
I quickly realized that was I pulled in a trap. The place was an oxymoron. The expectation of a natural childbirth was shattered and so was my confidence. I gave in to the epidural. I felt like crying. Not only that, it was a territorial battle between the nurses and the doctor. On top of my own aggravation, they were snapping at each other. No one was happy and everyone wanted to go home including myself. It fed my sorrow.
The epidural had a terrible side effect on me and my soon to be born child. Once it was administered my heart rate and the baby's heart rate plummeted. I remember everything going numb and the room got very dim. I heard the doctor say," Everyone prep up for a cesarean". Luckily the anesthesiologist gave me an ephedrine to revive me. I was given oxygen and put on my side. I stayed there until it was time to push. A few hours later I was fully dilated and ordered to push. Chin on chest, hold your breath and count to ten! I pushed once with a lot of force and from that I gave myself a small labial tear.
The doctor decided to give me an episiotomy. My husband declared against it. I felt very vulnerable but hopeful that my husband's attempt to protect me would prevail. Without chance, the doctor cut me while his defending statement was, "I'm afraid she'll tear more". I was medically raped! He inserted the forceps, I was ordered to push again, and then once more the baby was out.
I sat up ready to hold my baby. The doctor did not give him to me and was gesturing my son to a nurse until Matt initiated strongly to hold him. I longed for it to be my turn. Just a moment later the nurse whisked him away to the warming table. He would cry and my heart ached for him to be in my arms.
When they did give him to me his eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he was spastic. I believe it was a side effect of the epidural. He was hungry, of course, because I wasn't allowed food or drink and I was really hungry too. No one encouraged me to latch him on. That makes me so angry, knowing what I know now. They took him to the nursery shortly afterward.
I requested to room in with my newborn but they said they wanted to monitor me because I had severe trauma to my perineum and the bleeding needed to be controlled. The pain was unbearable. It was a forth degree cut. Fifth degree is through the rectal wall. I was given vicodin and taught to breastfeed. My first bowel movement was extremely painful. It was as though I was having a baby naturally. It would hurt to have BM's ever since. I suffered that episiotomy for 9 months. I could finally sit on my bottom after 9 months of misery. Sex didn't become comfortable again until my son was a year old. Most importantly, I had bowel problems from the time Christian was born up until Jaden arrived.
Of all the disappointments, the pediatrician informed us that our son wasn't ready to be born. He was two weeks early. I felt very betrayed by the medical community.
I was haunted with postpartum depression for two years. I was overwhelmed and felt alone and terrified that I'd become abusive to my child. I wanted more children but at the same time I was concerned that this would happen again. I was determined to know everything there was to know about how to have a satisfying birth. I was convinced that my depression resulted from a traumatic birth experience and if I were to have more children then I had to be fully aware of my choices because as I have learned, if you don't know your options then you have no choice.
Ignorance pays a heavy price. I read everything I could get my hands on, including my favorite, "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer. I went to a home birth picnic and talked to veteran moms, and I read even more. After all this, I knew deep down I wanted a home birth. I had to fight to get the birth experience I wanted because no one in my family including my husband supported me. One day I heard something very ironic coming from my mother-in-law, she is a nurse at a local hospital, she said, "Having your baby at home is safer because you're immune to your own germs". She was the first person who supported my idea. When I finally won my husband into the radical indication of having our baby at home we became pregnant.
In the careful search of a midwife we found Gail Johnson and Bonnie Kitchen. I felt confident that my birth would be carried out as nature intended and of all the outstanding recommendation given to my husband and myself by friends and veteran moms. It was our desire to have the best and most memorable birth possible so we chose them. There is a special relationship between a mother and a midwife; it will stain mother's memory for life. The care I received was far beyond what I imagine good prenatal care to be. I didn't realize just how bad my prenatal care was with the obstetrician until I discovered the kind of treatment I was given through Gail and Bonnie.
My family, except my mother-in-law and my husband, had a difficult time with the idea that I was going to give birth at home. They thought since I had such a hard time at the hospital, I would have it even harder at home. In their eyes, it wasn't the doctor's fault. Not very many people supported me. It was ok because I knew deep down that I was doing the right thing. I followed my instincts and fought through their disrespectful interpretation of my true intentions for having a home birth. It was especially hard for them to except that I was going to have my almost three-year-old son there to watch the birth.
March 9, 2003 I'm unusually alert. Time for Jaden's arrival is approaching so I clean. My nesting is a pleasurable affair. Around two in the afternoon I notice that my braxton hicks contractions, as though I thought, were becoming regular. They weren't at all painful in fact they gave me a rush of energy. That is why I did not think they were real contractions. After all, contractions are supposed to hurt right? So I continue my day. I felt like I had so much to do. Then I notice a bit more blood than the usual tinge of color normally found with discharge. This was actually a light period.
Concerned, I call my Midwife at 4:30 late afternoon. She requested that I meet with her at the office at 6:00 early evening. When I get there she checks for dilation and I have a contraction while she checks. She announces that I'm 4 to 5 centimeters. We all get excited when Gail says I just might be in early labor and then says, "Today is a good day to have a baby". Although, I tried not to get worked up about it because I didn't think this was actually "it". I did have three contractions while at her office. I leave Gail with the instructions that I call her at 8 pm to tell her my progress. If this is it then I need to eat now. I go to Schlotzsky's and order a mediterranean pizza.
Then I go home to put my son in bed and Daddy and Mommy read to him, "Welcome With Love" by Jenni Overend, an excellent picture storybook that explains how a baby enters the world. I found that it really prepared him for this extraordinary event. Finally, I call my crew for stand by and I call Gail. I tell her that I don't think this is the real deal but I am having regular contractions and I wish it would be at least a little uncomfortable so I can say, "Hey I'm in labor!" They feel like I'm doing strong abdominal crunches. We agree that she come to the house at 9pm. I get back to cleaning. There's still so much to be done. The house was clean; it was just my nesting nature to sanitize everything, with safe cleaning materials of course.
I send my husband Matt for food. Gail arrives at 9:30 and checks for dilation and finds me at 5 to 6 centimeters 85% effaced and 0 station. I'm still in denial so I clean a little more and she calls my crew to come over because I'm really in labor. While she's on the phone I head for my much needed shower. Matt gets back from the store at a quarter till 10 pm and I greet him with my wet hair. Every time I would feel a contraction I'd welcome gravity with bouncing, familiarizing myself to a dance seduced by "Loreena Mckennitt the book of secrets" music that was playing in my DVD player.
Not long after Matt returns, Bonnie arrives and Gail is setting up the equipment. It is 10 pm and Shannon, the apprentice, shows up. We exchange a warm smile. She is an educated young woman whose hair is a golden taffy blond the exact color as mine, which is a rare observation for me because no one has my color hair. I continue to drink my half-gallon jug. I had two by now and working on my third one. Water has a tremendous effect on labor. A well-hydrated laboring woman will notice less pain.
It is 10:30 pm and Lori, the photographer, comes parading in with excitement. She too had a home birth so her support helped me. I pace around in my own space unbroken by the modern world. About 30 minutes later Kalena arrives. She is a very beautiful woman, a professional author who is writing a book called "Intuitive Birthing". I feel so honored that she would want to view such an intimate experience and share my story.
I take a final visit to toilet and void before I lie down to rest. I have to reserve my energy. The lights are still on and my husband brings me food. I eat broccoli, carrots, and pineapples and drink more water. I arrange myself in a chest and knee position on the bed. I find it most favorable. Kalena and Gail join me and we engage in a pleasant conversation. Gail is massaging my back. I really enjoyed her cold hands.
The lights go out and with their presence I enter a spiritually altering state of consciences as I sense the contractions are seemingly more intense. I find both thrill and comfort in each contraction. Though they are intense, they will bring me closer to having my baby. I concentrate on each one with slow deep breathing; I'm in a meditative state of mind. Every contraction demands more of my attention. My friend, Jamie, who had two children in the hospital with epidural, offered to video tape my birth. She just arrived and comes in to say hi. I'm 7 centimeters now and still able to carry on a conversation.
It tickled me to see how shocked she was to see me handling it as well as I was. By this time we decide to call Bari, a good friend who also had a home birth, she will help with our son when we wake him for the birth. It's a quarter till 12 midnight everyone leaves me to rest. I had a hard time being alone so I go to the living room. Matt offers me a massage in his massage chair. He is a certified massage therapist with nice equipment. I declined the offer because I did not want to sit on my bottom. I was obsessed with the idea that I had to poop! The rectal pressure was there but I didn't feel like pushing.
Everyone was great. They all were
just hanging out having a good time. It was a celebration for them. There was
music and food and we were having a party! I squat in the chair and asked if
this could be transition. Kalena had a really funny answer to my question, "You
scream and we all run!" Gail offered to check me and I was eager to her
suggestion. First I went to the bathroom to void and then joined her in the
bedroom. I was +1 station, 8 to 9 centimeters and a bulging bag that broke upon
examination. The water was clear. My contractions dominoed. It's 1:00 in the
morning. This is clearly exhausting work.
I turn onto my side with Matt supporting my leg. 10 minutes later Gail notices
I have a small cervical lip that's in the way and it's keeping me at 9 centimeters.
I ask her to flip it for me. She does and it's very uncomfortable so she stops.
The lip is still there and we wait till it goes away. I get anxious to for this
to be over with so I ask her to do it again even though it's very uncomfortable.
She does it again and I holler so she stops protesting that it was hurting me
to badly and she wasn't going to do it again and suggested I go to the bathroom.
I take one more sip of my water and get up quickly before another contraction hits me. Yes, I really needed to poop! I peed a lot too! I could hear everyone in the bedroom clapping for me. I started pushing with so much power; it felt great! No more pain just tremendous amount of power. I reach inside to see if I could feel the head. I felt a wrinkly flesh and it made me worry that it was the umbilical cord. I expressed my concern to Gail but she assured me that it was the head. I was fully dilated and continued to push while standing.
I drink more water and lie back on the bed arranging myself in the knee and chest position that I love so much. I continue to push whenever I felt like it. There wasn't this annoying cheerleading song of push that's practiced in the hospital. I was encouraged to listen to my body because it knows best. The baby's head was crowning and I was given the opportunity to touch him. From that, I had an incredible rush of euphoria.
There was a moment that Jaden's heart rate was at 108 which is normal. He's being squeezed. My heart rate would drop too! 10 minutes later the heart rate was at 150 so it was a definite sign of the ordinary. Gail was encouraging me not to push so hard. She was trying to prevent me from tearing. They would massage my perineum with warm olive oil and use hot compresses. It felt so good.
Sometimes it would be too hot for me but when it was the right temperature it felt incredible. It is 2:20 in the morning and Matt signals Bari to get Christian. He joins us and is fully aware that his brother will soon be here and he anxiously waits for his arrival. Jaden's head is out and immediately he finds breath. His tiny little head wiggles as he tries to free himself from his mother's strict environmental cocoon. There's a gush of fluid left from the rest of the amniotic water. It saturates Bonnie and everyone laughs. Gail is guiding Matt to catch the baby. One more push and Jaden is born into his father's hands.
Christian clapped with joy and said, "Yea Jaden is here!" 2:29 in the morning Jaden is here. Matt gives him to Gail while I turn around and she hands me the biggest trophy I have ever won in my life! He was placed on my chest then he smiled and he giggled! It was the most amazing moment in my life. No, that's an understatement; words could never describe it.
It wasn't until later that I find out Thailand has the most baby's born smiling and they oftentimes laugh because they use bells. After each contraction they would ring bells then Mom and Dad would speak to the baby. They do this continuously throughout labor. After the baby is born anklet bells are fitted around the ankles and are kept there until the child turns three years old.
I wonder if this has anything to do with what I started 16 weeks prior to the birth. I used a prenatal enrichment system called Baby's Plus. It's the same idea people have when they play music to the unborn child. Music can be nice but it's too random and complex for the developing brain to achieve the kind of neurological maturity your trying to accomplish. It's an auditory exercise that strengthens brain connections during the developmental time period when the advantages will be most significant for a child. They already respond to a soft repeated rhythm such as the mother's own heartbeat so this educational tool that I used starts with a slow rhythmic beat and each week it slowly increases frequency as well as adequate duration.
The concept, you want to feed the fire by blowing on it gently; if you blow on it too hard you'll kill the fire. It's a subtle and gradual change. The baby's brain begins to accelerate the rate at which it compares and contrasts sounds. By the 16th week the rhythm is quite fast. "If an increased number of brain cells (neurons) and their beginning connections (axons and dendrites) are used during their most plastic and receptive development stage-the prenatal period-greater strength in the brain (cortical structure) will result. This process closely resembles muscle development following repeated exercise" this is a direct statement from Dr. Logan, the inventor of Baby Plus.
Somehow the relationship with the bells and baby plus disseminate me with why Jaden smiled and giggled when Gail placed him on my chest after he was born. I latched him on my breast right away and he did really well breastfeeding. We waited until the umbilical cord stopped pulsating before Daddy cut it. After the cord was cut I delivered the placenta. Jamie asked what the placenta actually was.
Gail went into this incredible story about the placenta being the seed, the umbilical cord is the branch and baby is the fruit. It grows in that order. The seed (placenta) is the first thing that plants into the uterine wall and stems out (umbilical cord) and produces the fruit (baby). When the fruit, (baby) is ripe then it will fall off. When the baby is ripe, he's ready to be born. It's a beautiful story. We saved the placenta with plans to bury it under a tree planted just for Jaden. We chose the Bradford pear tree because it bloomed on the day he was born.
Gail notice that I had a small labial tear and that she needed to sew me with stitches. In fact it was the same labial tear I received when I gave birth to Christian. It makes no sense that the Doctor gave me that terrible episiotomy. I most certainly didn't need it with Jaden and I tore in the same place. Everyone left us alone for a while. It was just our blessed family cherishing the moment of our new arrival.
Gail prepared an herbal bath for Jaden and me. She helped me out of bed since
it can be very awkward adjusting to your new size plus, the diaphragm has to
get use to the new adjustment as well. I can imagine how easy can be to get
the wind knocked out of you while getting up for the first time. I had to pee
really bad so I did that first and I must've voided 1000 cc. I never peed so
much in my life! The herbal bath felt so good. Matt and Bari put Christian back
to bed.
Then, Matt brought Jaden in to me and he had his first poop in daddy's hands!
He was so proud that he took a picture. Jaden joined me in the warm water. You
could clearly tell he enjoyed it. It's a familiar environment for him. At this
time everyone except Gail, Bonnie and Shannon the apprentice said good-bye.
It's 4 in the morning and Lori was heading for the airport to go to Orlando, Disney World. Jaden arrive in the nick of time. We got out of the bathtub and did the newborn screening. Then as Gail was prepping to stitch me together, Bonnie held me close and said I did a great job then she left because she had a full day of appointments ahead of her. Gail did good job stitching me; I felt pressure but it didn't hurt. Gail left us with specific postpartum instructions at 5:30 in the morning. She kissed me good-bye and I caved in peacefully with Jaden in my arms.
It's been two weeks since Jaden's birth. I'm so in love. I'm elated that I was able to breastfeed right away because my milk came in the next day! I'm very pleased with the way everything worked out. Gail has an incredible intuition for midwifery. She knew exactly when to touch me and when not to. I'm so fortunate to have her as my midwife.
I had the satisfying birth experience I wanted and I will treasure the moment in birth when I climaxed to the highest point of women hood. It was the most amazing event in my life. I hope that God will bless us with more children so that I may once again experience the joy of giving birth.
I recovered so quickly. In fact, Natural Childbirth healed me not only emotionally but physically as well. I was able to have a bowel movement with no problems for the first time in almost three years. I'm regular to a tee now! It's wonderful to be able to sit on my bottom without the pain I had the first time I gave birth. It almost feels like I didn't have a baby.
Christian may not remember the birth but subconsciously he will know that childbirth is a normal and natural event. Watching the birth makes him realize that Jaden is the most vulnerable member of the family right now and he respects that. He knows that Jaden didn't just come out of nowhere and replace him. He's crazy about his baby brother. I feel that it's going to help tremendously with sibling rivalry.
With two very different experiences, I have the credibility to say that Natural
Childbirth at home is the way to go. It's a shame that I didn't know about this
the first time around. I'm so glad that I did my homework and became fully informed
of my choices. After all, it's our God-given responsibility.
Jaden Lee Richardson 8lbs 14oz 20in